conversation

The more I talk to people up here the the more I understand them, and the less I think they understand me. when most people meet for the first time, they put on their "presentable face" they smile, act interested, never watch the clock, make inappropriate remarks or gestures. I am honestly interested most of the time In what people are saying and always try to smile, but I talk much less when I get to know someone. In the start of a relationship, whether it be good or bad, their are questions about their job, hobbies, family, mannerisms etc. but what comes after all the questions, for me? silence. This is the gap between being friends and good friends where you know all they've told you, and now your really getting to know the person, what is true or not, and all the things in-between. This silence is just me being observant, but to them the silence is confusing. this is understandable: I was jaw-jacking a few days ago non-stop, now Im quiet. much of the time when I happen to speak during this period, its for the benefit of the receiver rather than myself, just something to "ease their tension". I find it a little funny how most people require the ever-present sound of conversation and feel uncomfortable without It.

On a somewhat different note: Ive discovered that during this period, I am quite adept at reading other peoples true demeanors. I know enough to understand their emotions and behavior and yet I am not so clouded by trust of friendship or distrust of animosity to let feeling get in the way of pure analysis. for instance: If someone is trying very hard to act interested but isn't, or if someone is genuinely interested and seems preoccupied, I can usually tell. On the upside of watching people try to act interested, ive learned how to get through a particularly meaningless or very uninteresting conversation, by learning what not to do (say, someone starts to ramble on about football or paperwork). I use a simple trick that I call "weaving".

we've all been to the point where we just become uninterested in what someone is talking about and begin to say, "yeah" and "uh-huh" without actually listening. People notice that, and a lot of times we intentionally do that to try and end a conversation. But I just feel unwanted and unintiresting when I'm talking and someone's eyes just glaze over, so I know others feel the same way when it happens to them. weaving Is a way of pacing yourself in a conversation so that you don't strain yourself at trying to look interested, and you don't completely ignore them as well. The "yeah's" are ok, the "uh-huh's" not so much. Its better to use things like, "oh really?", "thats interesting" and "yeah I definitely agree" It just adds more of a fullness to your simple response. now onto the actual weaving, theres nothing to it. you use the simple responses mostly, but then have something called an "interest point" this is where you listen for a few seconds, catch the gist, and make a respose. for example: if your not paying attention and hear "...their defense this year has been slacking so we will see how they do" take what you've gained from that last sentence (preferably a word or idea) and say something like "oh who are they playing this year?" or "yeah you really can't win without a good defense" DO NOT say something like, "yeah I heard that too" (even if you had)  because then they think you know more than you might actually know and you'll regret it later in the conversation.